4AM

It's 4AM and I can't sleep. I drank one bottle of Port and half a gallon of red and I still can't sleep. And then I realize what this is all about. I'm thinking of what I should do, and I'm thinking that I should hide my computer somewhere. Because that's the most valuable single thing I have. With music and pictures and lots of things that I like, that I have. I just realized that I'm afraid my mom will come in and destroy everything. Like she used to do. Come in once in a while, randomly and intermittently, and break everything .. out the window. With screams, and tears, and cries .. hers, because she's unhappy, and she's taking it out on me. Because ... we didn't really have an argument last night, but somehow she accused me of talking behind her back ... when that wasn't true .. but she used to say that .. that T. (my best friend) and I used to foment who knows what conspiracy against her .. when really, we were just eleven year old kids and in a world of our own. I feel like I still have to justify myself - to no account - it's a no-win situation, because she always wins, she always sets up the game and the rules and all, and I always lose. Why does she need to do that? Why do I need to do that?
I was eleven years old. Please give me a break. Please leave me alone now.