nervous

I used to always be nervous to not have any money. and that was a lot of time being nervous. right now, i scraped $6.50 for the train ride to work tomorrow morning - it's all in quarters and dimes - and that's it! I am completely broke, and I can' say that I feel very concerned. I don't even have my ticket back home yet - because that was $5 by credit card to United. Ah ah ah ah!! I'm so broke. I'm laughing but maybe I shouldn't, or maybe none of this really is that serious. I am smoking weed, I am cozy indoors when it's freezing outside, what else can I ask for?
To me, at one end of the spectrum there is the Lord Buddha, who only owned his saffron robe and the bowl he begged food with, and at the other end there is the billionaire whose greed is just consuming him. One freed countless beings from the grip of Mara, the other fed on the fear and alienation of billions.
It doesn't really interest me to just stay in this either/or model. I just want something different, more human.