more and more lonely

I'm more and more lonely. Will I eventually dissolve?
I feel like I'm drifting down the rabbit hole.
What's gonna happen, I have no idea.

My ghosts are..
My father. I am terrified of seeing him. I would freeze, have a panic attack. He just evokes nothing positive. I just know that my father didn't have my interest in mind. That;s the least I can say. It made me feel unloved and alone. That's still how I feel on a bad day. It's been very bleak, for a very long, long time.

That's the small story.