Out of the house

It seems the only time I get out of the house is to do laundry. Which sadly is true. It was a good idea to get a doctor's recommendation for weed. It's not really because all I do all day is stay locked up on my room and isolate and smoke weed as if I had a terminal illness or something... I suppose it's a question of personal choice...
Guy next me is talking about his "wife" with who seems to be his mistress..
I suppose everyone's got something fucked up about their lives that seems somehow normal, in a "normalizing" sort of way.
I am going to bake my dry clothes a bit more just so that I can have another beer.
That kid's pretty good with his guitar. Kinda annoying though.. "Just let people applaude you idiot. You're good. Just take the praise!!"

Sick

I'm sick of my job, I'm sick of my job, I'm sick of my job. 2010 is the last year I am wasting in this job. The only thing I'm thinking of when my customer ask me something is "I do not care. I am not interrested. Why don't you tell that to someone who gives a shit." Everyday I come here I feel like I'm being torn into smaller and smaller pieces. I just don't want to come here no more. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.

My Poor Sweetie

I didn't know that you were in pain. I didn't know you were suffering. Only two days ago you seemed so happy. All cuddly and purring and sweet. You are such a sweet kitty. But they had to put you down today, because they said that you were very old and probably wouldn't survive the operation. I hope that you didn't suffer too much. Up until the end you were so sweet. I had no idea that you were in pain, sweetie. It makes me sad that you are gone, but maybe you're happier now, and more at peace. I'm sure you are in kitty heaven making others very happy.

Another person who goes away. I'm very sad that Chip is gone.

moping around

I have been moping around for a very long time. I do realize that I spend a lot of time complaining about things. Especially things that I can't do anything about. Not even remotely. I told my mom that 2010 is the year I quit my job. Correction: I promised my mom I would quit my job in 2010. I have en entire support. It's good to feel support from my mom. I think that she wished I came home. I don't want to go home, I want to run away from home. I want to go to an island with sunshine and the ocean and more sand.
My step mom was all, like, "you should come and visit". And I was all telling my mom that I didn't know what to answer her.
So my mom emails my step mom and is all, like; "He doesn't want to see you. Leave him alone".
Ah ah!
I love how sometimes my mom comes out very protective of me. It's kind of weird, because she didn't use to be like that.

nonya

I don't know what to do.
Uncle Eddy's down there in an Diego, I obviously am not. I don't want to go there, even though I do. I want to be there and scream and yell to the top of my lungs ..
I feel that this would be inappropriate.
I feel that this would not go.
But I wanna say.
Why did you abandon me?
What did I do that warranted my being abandoned by you?
Why did you leave me behind without even a word ..
Was I that bad?
Was I such a bad person that I didn't deserve you?
..
Every morning I wake up with that thought.
Every evening I cry myself to sleep with the knowledge that my father does not love me.